A Tiny Home. What's that? Basically it means working wonders with small rooms. It is like an apartment with all amenities - kitchen, bedroom, living room and bathroom. In a very small house. No, not with an outhouse or hair washing with curd soap in the rain! But with proper connections to civilization. Hot water, electricity, internet. It is just that my house does not have 1600 ft², requires no loan and can - theoretically - even move with me.
That's what some Tiny House owners do. They put the house on a low-loading truck and move it around. But a Tiny House is not a motorhome and not a campervan! It is nothing you can simply take with you for a trip to the North Sea to smoke flowers in Amsterdam. It's a place to live. And normally it does not stay on wheels either, but is unloaded and placed on clean ground. Important fact: In Germany you usually can't register a Tiny House as your primary residence. Big laws for small houses.
If you go for transport, expect high costs. It's because such heavy load usually has to be registered and approved. With escort vehicles. Those annoying, orange-coloured vehicles which, flashing like a fairground, block the entire road by rushing along with 30 mph. Could be fun - but not for $2.500. The costs for transportation strongly depend on the length of the route and the number of countries or states you pass. Sometimes you need a separate permit for each state.
"A BIRD!!" I yell with a manic-panic laughter. Unbelievable! I've had the keys for a few minutes and the first thing that happens is a bird in the cabin! The little animal flutters around wildly in the anteroom, while we hide away and I hectically close the door to the living area.
"What are we going to do now?" I shout breathlessly as the feathered will-o'-the-wisp lands on the six-foot-tall refrigerator.
"I don't know!" Alex replies, also close to gasping.
"I'll open the window." I say.
"I'll hold open the door" he says. "
"I'm going to fly around and mix up your plan" the bird thinks and puts on a flight show through the whole room - of course without even paying slight attention to the emergency exits that are wide open. Finally he stops by sitting on the frame of the open window.
I'm approaching. "A chaffinch," I state. I do birdwatching every now and then and so I know some of those dicky. After that biologically highly significant discovery, I look at the bird and the bird looks at me. "Why don't you just go out" I say a little desperate. Then he's moving back to the top of the fridge. Despite all the fun I'm afraid he's gonna get hurt.
At some point we arm ourselves with a jacket and a big concert poster of Chris Isaak and try to show the bird the way out. Discreetly but clearly. Works perfectly... It flutters wildly, we scream, almost collide and realize that our hands are almost frozen. Because hot water and heater are not running yet. Why paying running costs for a place where I don't even live yet.
"I'm bleeding again!" I whine theatrically, looking at my thumb. "What do we do now?" asks my best friend slightly lethargic, after 15 minutes of unsuccessful bird-catching.
"I have to eat a fucking pizza now or I'm gonna die" I notice. Then I think about it again. "But first, we need to get that lost creature out of my house!"
At some point the little animal actually jumps from the window frame into the garden. I am screaming and closing two windows at the same time while Alex locks the door as if the nuclear world war was about to begin. Then we collapse, laughing out loudly, at the table.
By the way: You can see a video of this action on my Facebook page.
Now I sit in my temporary apartment again and look at the sketches, which we drew of the rooms, highly professionally. So I can start planning with colors, wallpaper and decoration. I see that
Alex has written "Scale 1:Infinity" at the bottom of the page and have to grin again.
I will go to the home improvement store soon. To buy drills, chain saws and raking devices. Little exaggeration. Paint, painter's fleece and a brush may be enough for now. Welcome to my new life as a Tiny House owner. With bird.